Category Archives: Trans

The shape of my gender

NOTE: This is a transgender-related entry. If you are confused by any of the terms used here, check out Ronen’s Trans Glossary.

ALSO NOTE: This article contains discussion of physical dysphoria.

In high school I studied the way boys moved and sat, particularly the way they crossed their legs with one ankle on top of the opposite knee. I enjoyed the shape of it, the geometric strength and openness of it, particularly when contrasted with the prim silhouette made by sitting the “girly” way. I trained myself to walk with a smooth step rather than a bounce. I wore loose pants and open button-ups over t-shirts. I wore bras and shaved my armpits and legs because That’s What Girls Did, but the only reason I ever practiced applying eyeliner was for the school plays.

I did not think of myself as transgender then. “Transgender” was the glossed-over tag at the end of GLBT; sexuality was a far hotter topic than gender identity even at my relatively liberal school. My vague definition of the word, at the time, mostly consisted of “drag queens.”

Family members, in the form of holiday and birthday cards, told me I was growing into a young woman. I would read those words and sense a wrongness, but when I asked myself whether I wanted to be a man instead, the answer was “Not really,” and I considered that the end of it.

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My Rebuttal, or, the 5 Most Hurtful Things I’ve Heard Since Coming Out

NOTE: This is a transgender-related entry. If you are confused by any of the terms used here, check out Ronen’s Trans Glossary.

ALSO NOTE: This entry addresses points of transphobia, cissexism and homophobia which some may find unsettling or triggering.

Why hello, blogsphere. I seem to have disappeared from you for a full two months. I’ve been a busy bee, and I’ve also been sucked back into the weird, weird world of LJ RP, which has been dominating a large part of my brain space. I’ve also been reading a lot of Cracked articles, which probably became obvious at the title of this post.

The other day, I found my gender dysphoria flaring up in a big way, and I felt compelled to finally address the most hurtful of the questions and accusations put to me when I have tried to come out as trans. Where better to do it than here? (“Where better? Why, to the asker’s/accuser’s face,” you might say, and I’m getting to that. I promise. But I do hope that writing this will help give me the courage to try and do so, as well as educate others out there on the internet.)

So without further ado: my rebuttal.

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Getting read.

Yup - that's me.

NOTE: This is a transgender-related entry. If you are confused by any of the terms used here, check out Ronen’s Trans Glossary.

I haven’t posted for a week because my Vegas trip was last weekend – then after I returned, life got busy for a few days.

About the trip in general: long story short, it was something of a bust, but it got salvaged. What was supposed to be an awesome, epic weekend wound up being pretty good, which wasn’t the worst that could have happened by a long shot, but wasn’t so great either.

At the very least, what I got out of the weekend was a unique experience and a few blog ideas. The first idea came to me quickly on the first day, when something happened to me that had never, ever happened before: I got read as male not just once, but three times in a single day.

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The queer connection: Trans identity and the Doctor.


NOTE: This is a transgender-related entry. If you are confused by any of the terms used here, check out Ronen’s Trans Glossary.

Much has been made of the radical amount of queerness (radical by television standards, anyway) displayed by the program Doctor Who and its spin-off, Torchwood. Much of it today is thanks to the man who rebooted the show itself back in 2005, Russell T. Davies. RTD, a gay man himself, thought (logically) that in the future queerness would be even more tolerated than it is today and slipped all kinds of “throw-away” lines into the episodes he wrote. Like in the episode Midnight, where a woman talking bitterly about her ex rattles off “she needed her own space” without even a whiff of taboo. Or in that same episode, where the attendant on the bus tour keeps addressing the passengers as “Ladies, gentlemen and variations thereupon.” Some folks might have heard that and thought it was a joke, but for me? It was a nod to a future where my identity isn’t just accepted, it’s taken as a matter of course.

(That episode, by the way, is one of my favorites for reasons far beyond its queeritude. It’s also creepy as hell. Watch but beware.)

Anyway, like I said, much has been made of the Whoniverse’s general queerness, even going way further back than RTD’s involvement, but I wanted to focus in on a very specific aspect: the part where the character of the Doctor himself is analogous to a trans person.

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The language box.


NOTE: This is a transgender-related entry. If you are confused by any of the terms used here, check out Ronen’s Trans Glossary.

Language is a funny old thing.

I’ve been engaged for half a year now, and in that time I have lamented, now and again, at the fact that I will eventually have to get married. Not because I don’t want to be, but because once I am (and unless I go through some sort of physical transition), most people will start referring to me as a “wife.” I will have to give up being a fiancé.

Except, like a silly person, I forgot that that particular word comes from French, where they like to tack that little extra ‘e’ on the end of everything that is, air-quotes, female. So in the eyes of the French, I’m actually a fiancée.

DAMMIT.

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Ronen’s Trans Glossary

Every trans-related blog worth its salt needs one.

This is not a fully comprehensive glossary. If something comes up the future that I think needs to be on here, I’ll backtrack and edit this post, and if anyone out there has questions, feel free to ask. If you’re interested in something that goes into even more depth than this, I urge you to check out Erin Houdini’s Really Awesome Trans Glossary, but the terms listed below should be enough to get you by on this particular blog.

If you’re reading these terms for the first time, I present to you a little exercise:

“Ronen is a genderqueer person whose preferred pronouns are neutral pronouns. Ze was AFAB but does not identify as FtM, because ze is not binary-identified. Ze identifies more as genderfluid, and hir presentation is a kind of femme masculinity. Ze is still in the early stages of hir transition. Hir fiancé John was AMAB and is cisgender, but their relationship is far from heteronormative despite the fact that Ronen was AFAB.”

Ready? Trans-late! (ba-dum-CHSS)

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